Let's be myth-changers!
Of course, before we can be myth-changers, we have to start with a more basic question - What is a Myth?
At first glance it seems like a myth represents something that is false or untrue. This is particularly so when we think of expressions like "myth-busting" or "that's just a myth".
However, I'd like to propose a different definition of a myth and I'll build it out here one piece at a time.
A myth is a story...
A myth is a story we believe to be true...
A myth is a story we believe to be true that shapes our perceptions...
A myth is a story we believe to be true that shapes our perceptions, that in turn, shape our reality.
Think about that for a moment...
A myth is a story we believe to be true that shapes our perceptions, that in turn, shape our reality.
How then, could we influence the myths of those around us in a way that shapes the best reality for them?
I had a recent experience that illuminated the effect of myth on reality for me. I had the opportunity to spend some extended time in Spain with my wife and three small children. We discovered shortly before we left that my 7-year-old daughter, was apprehensive about the trip. When asked why, she said it was because she didn't think she could have any friends in Spain. The reason she believed that she couldn't make friends in Spain was because she didn't speak Spanish. My wife assured her that there is a universal language among all kids everywhere, and it is spelled P-L-A-Y. I tried to help her to learn some Spanish words and phrases to help start conversations. In spite of these efforts, we had a similar experience over and over again while we traveled. We would arrive at a playground and invariably a little girl about my daughter's age would approach her, eager to play. She would tense up, and move away, showing visible signs of stress and discomfort. No amount of coaxing would convince her to just say hello or to go down the slide with her newly found would-be companion.
The story my daughter believed to be true was that you have to speak the same language to be friends. Therefore, her perception was that she could not be friends with this young person she was encountering. And as a result, she didn't make a friend, and eventually, the other little girl would give up and look for someone else to play with. This myth shaped her reality. It was heartbreaking to observe.
There is good news though - a breakthrough moment when her language myth was challenged. We were at the beach one day, when a girl approached her while all three of our kids were digging a giant crater in the sand near the water. My wife and I watched painfully as the usual routine ensued. My daughter quickly moved to the farthest edge of the crater and turned to face in the opposite direction. Unlike with previous times, this little girl was extremely persistent -refusing to give up. After 10-15 minutes of spurned overtures to connect, I couldn't bear it anymore. I joined the four kids in their sand-digging operation. I introduced myself to our visitor and asked her name.
"Triana" she said.
I motioned to my daughter and introduced her to Triana. I continued, "she is very shy because she doesn't speak Spanish".
"Oh. [she said] ella esta muy guapa".
I translated for my daughter, "Triana said that she thinks you are very pretty". A moment passed and then she turned ever so slightly in the direction of Triana and said in the mousiest voice she could muster... "gracias". I aided the conversation for a few minutes before they both got up and ran off together to collect shells and catch sea creatures. They played together for the entire afternoon without any further translation and I returned to my Hemmingway novel as my services were no longer required.
As I reflected on what happened, it became so clear to me. The story my daughter was telling herself was that she had to speak Spanish to make a friend in Spain. This narrative was shaping her perception, which in turn was shaping the reality of her experience. When she allowed herself to change this story, she was able to experience a new reality, embracing the universal language of P-L-A-Y.
In the technologically prolific age that we now live in, the human experience can be a bit overwhelming on one hand or invigorating on the other. Yet for many, there are residual myths from the past that may be adversely affecting the perceptions that shape our shared reality.
One example I like to use when talking to groups about effective leadership is a Smart phone. Imagine what the technical schematic drawing for a Smartphone would look like [http://bit.ly/smart-phone-specs]. Consider all of the complex silicon and electronic components that would be displayed - far beyond the comprehension of most anyone who isn't directly involved in the design or production of these devices. Then consider what the home screen of a smartphone looks like, the pure simplicity of it. These represent two different views of the same thing. One complex and difficult to understand; the other simple and easily understandable. Moving from the complex and ambiguous to simple and usable is often just a matter of changing myths.
In my observations and experience, part of being an effective leader is taking the opportunity to affect a transformational change in the myths held by those whom we lead. Here's how:
- We can connect people with one another
- We can help them to overcome barriers that make it hard to communicate with one another, and
- We can help them to see the unlimited opportunity in front of them to make an enormous contribution to society, along with a multitude of pathways to achieve their life goals
In this way, perhaps it isn't that we should strive to be myth-busters, but rather myth-changers; Those who help transform the story held by those whom we lead. So that they can discover new perceptions about the world they live in and their part in it; in a way that can shape a new reality for us all.
Let's be myth-changers!
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